he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
