Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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