You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
