Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
