is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
