Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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