Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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