I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
