i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
