K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he shaved USA in his pubs
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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