i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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