I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
