how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize