wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Randomize
