i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
