we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize