And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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