3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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