you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
