They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
