I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
