Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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