She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize