Say something about gay babies.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
