I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
