weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
