I smell stomach acid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
