wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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