moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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