Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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