its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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