perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
