I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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