none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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