well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
