you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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