Screwed.edu
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
