I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
