I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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