What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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