last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
