I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
