I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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