Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
