WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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