I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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