I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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