guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
