it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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