Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
