What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
