I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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