my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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