so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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