First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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