just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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