The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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