you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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