either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
