At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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