Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
