Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
