im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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