Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
