It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
